A Past Long Forgotten
by Zyra M
Summary: A family trip to Corellia stirs up some long-buried memories for Han and makes him wonder if he really doesn't remember how he wound up on the streets or what happened to his parents.
1. Chapter 1

"Mom, that kid's parents are so old."

Leia Solo was walking through the shopping district with her three young children, Jacen, Jaina and Anakin, when Jaina pointed over to a gray-haired couple playing with a toddler. "Sweetie, I think those are probably her grandparents."

"Grandparents? Do we have those? They look nice," Anakin chimed in.

"Oh, yeah," Jacen interjected. "My friend Decklan told me about his grandparents. Said they give him candy all the time. Do we have people who will give us candy?"

Leia smiled. "I'm afraid that you're not going to be getting any candy from your grandparents," Leia said. "Why don't you guys relax and I promise I'll tell you about them when we get home, all right?"

The children sighed in frustration, but remaining true to their typical attention spans, quickly dropped the issue. Leia knew the time would come when she'd have to explain her heritage to her children and it was a moment she had dreaded since before they were even conceived. She and Han had had many discussions about when the right time would be. They knew they needed to be old enough to understand but not so grown up that they would be angry and resentful that the information had been withheld from them for so long.

The twins were now eight and Anakin was six. Bright children, to be sure, and as Han and Leia had expected, the time to tell them would be prompted by the kids themselves. Once returning home from their afternoon of shopping, they somehow managed to make it through dinner without more questions being asked.

The children had been excused from the table to go off to the living room and play with their toys. Han and Leia were clearing the plates when Leia finally had a quiet moment to tell her husband about the earlier conversation. "Han, the kids asked me about their grandparents this afternoon."

Han stiffened a little. "What did you tell them?"

"I haven't told them anything yet. I'm not really sure where to start."

Han put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher. "I don't think they need to hear about Vader yet."

Leia sighed. "I don't, either. I don't plan on hiding it from them forever, but I don't think they need to know about it until they're old enough to handle it better. I could tell them about Anakin, though, and Padme. And I do want to tell them about Bail. Bail would've loved having grandchildren."

Han leaned and kissed the top of his wife's head. "I bet he would've, sweetheart. I think you can start however you want."

She took his hand and led him into the living room where their children were on the floor playing a game.

"You kids ready to hear about your grandparents?"

The three children looked excitedly at their mother and nodded their heads. "Come on up here," she said, sitting on the couch while Jacen sat down to her right, Anakin to her left and then Jaina next to Anakin. Han seated himself on the other side of Jaina and wrapped an arm around his daughter's shoulders.

"You three kids had some pretty amazing grandparents. But, unfortunately, you're not going to get to meet them," Leia began.

"Why not?" Jaina asked.

"They passed away before you were born," Leia said sadly.

The children looked thoroughly disappointed. "But that doesn't mean they're not watching over you and all of us in some way. And I can tell you for certain that they would've loved you three almost as much as Daddy and I do."

"So, what were they like?" Jaina asked.

"It's an interesting story, actually. My parents – the people who raised me – were wonderful, kind-hearted people on Alderaan."

"That's where you're from, right, Mom? Until the bad guys took it away?" Jacen asked.

Leia took a deep breath, always amazed at how children could state such horrible things so matter-of-factly. "Yes, sweetie. It was a wonderful place with wonderful people. But I wound up with those parents because my real parents couldn't take care of me."

"What do you mean?" Jacen asked.

"You guys know what adopted is, right?" Leia continued.

"I think so," Anakin said, not appearing to actually have any idea.

"It's when another mommy and daddy take care of a baby because the mommy and daddy who had the baby can't. It doesn't mean that they love it any less, it just means that they are not related by blood."

"You didn't adopt us, did you?" Anakin asked.

Han had to laugh at that, wondering if sometimes the kids wished that. "No way, kid. Me and your mom went to a lot of trouble to have you three and you all grew in Mommy's tummy. You are one hundred percent ours."

Leia tried to conceal her smile at Han considering what they'd done to create those children as 'trouble.' She'd certainly never heard any complaints. "That's right. And that's why you guys look like us, too. Anyway, my father was Bail Organa, a viceroy and a senator. But to me, he was just my father. He was a wonderful, sweet man who was a great father and wanted nothing more than peace and justice for all of his people. He taught me about honesty and integrity and how important it was to have the respect of others.

"He was married to Breha Organa, and you know what? She was a queen."

"Is that why Daddy calls you princess?" Anakin asked.

"He calls me princess because I _am_ a princess." So many people still referred to her as Princess Leia, and she herself wondered if the title really applied anymore. Her children, of course, simply knew her as Mom.

"Does that make me a princess, too?" Jaina asked hopefully.

"In a way, I suppose. And you two are my princes," she said as she put an arm around each of her sons and pulled them closer.

"You'll always be my _little _princess," Han said to his daughter and she smiled.

"The sad part is that she died when I was very young. But my father did a wonderful job of raising me by himself and with the help of some of my aunts."

"I'd say he did a great job," Han said with a grin.

"So why were you adopted?" Jacen asked.

"My real mother was also a queen, Queen Padme Amidala of the Naboo. She was another beautiful senator who also worked hard to maintain freedom and justice in the Galactic Senate. And she fell in love with and married Anakin Skywalker."

"Hey, that's like me!"

"Yeah, buddy, that's where you got your name from," Han said as he reached over and mussed his son's hair.

"He was a great Jedi and an incredible pilot. But things weren't all happy for them. Sometime after they were married Padme found out she was going to have me and your uncle Luke. But…" she wasn't sure exactly how to tell this part of the story, so she left it vague and promised herself she'd elaborate and tell them the more complete truth later.

"Almost right after we were born, they both died. So we needed someone else to raise us. And… they decided that it would be easier if we were raised by different people. So I went with my new parents and Luke went to live on Tatooine. We didn't even know we were brother and sister until we were all grown up. Actually, we didn't even _meet_ each other until we were grown up."

"Sometimes I wish I didn't have my twin sister!" Jacen yelled and Jaina stuck her tongue out at him.

"Come on, now, you guys don't know how lucky you are. I had a good childhood, but it was lonely sometimes not having any brothers or sisters. So I know it doesn't make up for not having any grandparents here to meet you, but I just wanted you to know that they were great people who would've loved you very much."

"Were you sad when they died?" Jaina asked.

Leia took another deep breath and glanced at Han, who gave her a look of empathy. "Yes, sweetie, it was very sad when they died. I was too little to remember when my real parents died. But I was quite sad when my mother and father died, even though I was almost grown up when Bail died. It's still sad even when you're grown up."

"I don't want you to be sad," Anakin said, looking on the verge of tears himself now.

Leia hugged her children to her. "I'm not so sad anymore, don't worry. Now I've got you guys and Daddy and uncle Luke to make me happy."

"You're not gonna die, are you?" Anakin looked alarmed at the sudden realization that parents could be taken away from him.

Han and Leia both immediately said, "No!" maybe a little too loudly. Leia continued, "No, sweetie, I don't want you to ever worry that me and Daddy aren't going to be here for you for a long, long time, all right? We won't leave you, I promise."

It was an unfair promise to make, but even though she wasn't sure she could keep it, she knew that they would both do whatever they could to make sure it was the truth.

"What about you, Daddy?"

"What about me, Jace?"

Their oldest son continued, "What were your parents like? How come we don't know them?"

Leia felt her chest constrict. Han never talked much about his past - only that his earliest memory was wandering the streets as a young child. He had no idea who his parents were or what happened to them. And he hadn't even had the advantage she had of two, loving people taking him home to take care of him. Nobody was there to love him as a child, and whenever she looked at their own children and thought of him at the same age, going through what he must have gone through, her heart ached for him. He always told her that it was long past and she shouldn't worry so much about it, but she couldn't help it.

Han swallowed hard and went with the simplest answer. "Cuz I don't know who they are, either."

"Were you adopted like Mommy, too?"

"Not exactly, Jaina." He felt it might be a bit traumatizing to tell them of his abusive childhood of thieving and scamming people and he certainly didn't want them to be aware yet of the fact that there were horrible adults out there who would harm innocent children. "I, uh, I didn't get new parents. I grew up with a bunch of other kids who also didn't have mommies and daddies. I don't know what happened to mine." Han looked as disappointed as his children, but he broke the moment of silence. "But, hey, it's okay, right? Now I'm grown up and I have my own real family."

"Who tucked you in at night?" Anakin asked.

"Yeah, and who made you dinner?" Jacen wondered.

"Who kissed your elbow when you fell down and hurt it?" Jaina added as they all stated only a few of Leia's many, loving tendencies as their mother.

"It doesn't matter now, does it? As long as you guys get great parents, right?"

"Where are you from, anyway?" Jacen asked.

"Corellia."

"Did Corellia get blowed up, too?" Anakin asked, looking concerned.

"No, kiddo, Corellia is still there."

"Can we go see where you're from?" Jacen asked hopefully.

While Han obviously didn't care to relive old memories of his childhood, he felt a strange sense of pride for his home world and now for the fact that his children wanted to visit their roots. "You know, that might not be a bad idea. What do you say, Mom?"

It had been a while since the family had taken a vacation and Leia felt that it would be nice to be able to show the children where their father had come from. "I think that might be fun."

The three young Solos smiled excitedly and then Han spoke up again. "Why don't you guys go get ready for bed and me and Mom will be there in a few minutes, okay?"

Later that night after the children had been tucked in and were soundly asleep, Han and Leia were in their room getting ready for bed . "I dread the time when I have to tell them about Vader. They're going to have to hear about it sooner or later," Leia said when she emerged from the 'fresher in her nightgown.

Han was seated on their bed, pulling off his boots. "I know, sweetheart, but they'll be all right. They're good, smart kids. It's not going to change anything for them. I just don't ever want to have to tell them some of the stuff that happened to me when I was a kid. Gods, when I look at those three, and think about some of the stuff that happened to me when I was their age…"

She sat down next to him and leaned her head against his shoulder, rubbing his chest comfortingly.

"I just can't imagine how anyone could be so awful to treat a little kid that way," Han said quietly, his head now resting on Leia's.

"I know, sweetheart," Leia said. "I'm so sorry that was how things had to be for you."

"It's okay, it was a long time ago. And now I've got this," he said, giving her a squeeze and then leaning down to kiss her gently.

"I think it will be fun if we take them to Corellia, too," Leia said. A nice little vacation."

"Yeah, it made me feel pretty good when they said they wanted to go see it."

"We can do something else that will make you feel pretty good," she said throwing a leg over his body and moving in to nibble on his ear lobe.

"Sounds good to me…"


	2. Chapter 2

"Welcome to Coronet City, kids. Your dad spent a lot of time here growing up."

The Solo family had arrived on Corellia. The _Falcon _had been docked safely and they were now cruising along in their rented speeder through the city on the way to where they would be staying for the next two weeks. "Wow, it's pretty cool. Not as big a city as Coruscant, though," Jacen said with his nose pressed up against the window.

"No, but still not a bad place to be. There are even some great beaches that we're going to. You're gonna love it," Han said proudly.

After about thirty minutes of moving through the city, they made it to their resort. It was a vast building in a more remote area, about halfway between the city and the beaches. Only about twenty stories high to maintain the exclusivity of the place, it had a large courtyard in the back with several pools and other recreational activities. While Han certainly disliked a lot of aspects of being a more public figure, he could not deny that being able to afford such luxurious accommodations wasn't such a bad thing.

They finally made it to their corner suite on the top floor, the walls almost entirely transparisteel overlooking the gorgeous skyline and mountains in the background. They entered into a large sitting room with a small kitchen. On either side were doors to the two bedrooms with their own bathrooms. Occasionally Han wondered if he was spoiling his children, but he never got tired of the excited looks on their faces when he gave them something or brought them somewhere like this.

Leia led the children to the smaller of the two rooms with two sets of bunk-beds in it. "You kids go put your stuff in there and Dad and I will go see our room."

As the youngest Solos ran into their temporary quarters, Han and Leia walked into the huge master bedroom. The large bed in the center was adorned with more pillows than even Leia thought were necessary. There was a couch and a fireplace on the side of the bed near the windows, while a door on the opposite side led to what was sure to be an ornate 'fresher. Han dropped his bags and plopped on his back on the bed, crossing his legs at the ankles and putting his hands behind his head. "Not bad, huh, sweetheart?"

She walked over to the window to take in her surroundings. "It's beautiful here, Han. I was here once before, but I never really got to appreciate it."

"Yeah, well, the accommodations are a lot better this time than most of the other times I've been here. It's great to be married to a princess."

She walked into the 'fresher and he heard her gasp before standing and walking toward her. "What? Is something wrong?"

"No, this place is just amazing. They have a Jacuzzi tub."

Han smiled and wrapped his arms around Leia's waist from behind, pulling her close. "Big enough for both of us?"

"Maybe, if you play your cards right."

"You already know what I good card player I am."

"That's what I'm afraid of. Now come on, let's unpack and go out and get some nice dinner somewhere, what do you say?"

"Sounds great, I'm starved."

* * *

><p>The next morning, the Solo clan began the first full day of their vacation by touring the city. After several hours of walking, the children's feet were aching and they were starting to become grumpy. In spite of the fact that Han did not have a lot of good memories of growing up there, he had always held a fondness of Corellia and a sense of pride for his home planet. He liked showing his children their roots even if he knew at the moment they were too young to appreciate it. Someday he hoped they'd look back and have some good memories of their own from where their father had come from.<p>

But so far they'd mostly only enjoyed their visit to the local candy shop and the promise that they could go swimming later at the resort pool. When the children's level of whining about their feet and empty bellies had become unbearable, Han and Leia decided it was time to sit down and have some lunch.

After they'd found a nice outdoor café and sat down, Leia commented on the gorgeous mountains in the background, trying to distract the children while they impatiently waited for their food. Han felt a dull ache inside when he thought of the injustice that his wife didn't have a home planet to visit anymore, while he still did even though there was nobody to come back _to. _ His eyes had been fixed on her and she looked up and smiled at his gaze, bringing his mind back to the present so he could simply enjoy having lunch with his family.

"Can we have dessert, Dad?" Jacen asked hopefully once he'd cleaned his plate, leaving no trace that there had ever been any food on it at all.

"Kiddo, you guys already had enough sugar earlier."

"Aw, please?" His only daughter gave him the face that he wasn't sure he'd ever actually said no to. Thankfully, Leia said it for him. She was like an impenetrable fortress to their tactics. He hoped she would teach him how to do that someday.

"No, come on, you can have dessert tomorrow. Are you ready to go back and go swimming?"

As usual, distraction seemed to do the trick and there were no more complaints as they finished up their meals.

As they walked back towards the resort Han was taking in the sites, trying to remember which stores had been there when he was a child and which ones were new. There seemed to be a fairly even mix of each. His pace slowed when he recognized an old pawn shop where he was sometimes sent to trade in smaller artifacts for credits to give back to Shrike, the man who had taken him in and used him and many other children to steal for him.

He had no desire to go in and relive any of that, but he did spare a glimpse inside and recognized the counter he used to have a hard time even seeing over, now probably not much higher than waist-level.

"Han?" Leia's voice took him out of his reverie.

"Huh? Yeah, honey?"

"I think the kids need a 'fresher break before we make it back. Will you take the boys?"

"Sure. Come on, guys."

Han took his sons' hands and they walked down a corridor toward the public 'freshers. After taking care of business, Han had to stop his sons from splashing water on each other at the sinks. "Hey, come on, guys. Mom is not gonna be happy with any of us if you come out soaked. Save it for the pool."

Anakin seemed to have lost the fight and while Han tried to help dry his shirt as best he could, Jacen wandered to wait for them out in the hallway. It had been a fairly long day and he was a bit tired and just wanted to get back to the resort and go swimming. He leaned up at the wall and inspected his shoes for no other reason than there not being anything better to do while he waited for his family.

"You, boy!"

Startled, Jacen looked up to see a petite old woman, only a few centims taller than he was, walking slowly toward him with a cane. He knew he wasn't supposed to talk to strangers, but this woman seemed far too non-threatening, even though he did not know how to respond.

As she got closer, she spoke again. "Young man, how can this be? You're still so young!"

Jacen definitely didn't understand what she'd meant by that. "I've always been young," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

She shook her head. "No matter. I kept this safe for you. You can have it back now."

Jacen looked around to make sure none of his family members were coming so he wouldn't get in trouble for talking to a stranger.

"Have what? I don't-"

She pulled something off from around her neck and held out her hand which contained a gold necklace. "You take it back now. You should have it back."

"I'm not supposed to take stuff from people I don't know. Is it stolen?"

"Not stolen, it is _yours. _Do you not remember? Your mother-"

Jacen knew his parents wouldn't like it if he took this necklace from a stranger. Who did it really belong to? It seemed strange that she thought it was his.

She held out her hand and put it in his. "I must go now," she said hurriedly, "You take it home."

She disappeared around the corner while Jacen looked down at the necklace in his hand. It had a fairly short chain and a small pendant with some sort of numbers on it.

"Jacen?"

The boy practically jumped as he heard his father's voice. Looking up, he saw him holding his brother's hand and looking at him in such a way that he was pretty sure he had no idea of the encounter he'd just had. "Huh?"

"You ready to go, pal?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah," he said as he followed them back to meet his mother and sister. He discreetly put the necklace in his pocket as they walked. Maybe later on when they were back in the room he could give it to his mother. The woman kept saying stuff about his mother. And he knew that she liked it when his father got her jewelry. He could maybe just pretend he found it on the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

The children had thoroughly exhausted themselves at the hotel pool for the rest of the afternoon. Han and Leia had to practically drag them back to the suite after their fingers had shriveled up and all three sets of lips had started to turn blue as the sun began setting over the mountains.

They'd managed a quiet dinner at one of the resort's more casual restaurants and almost immediately upon returning to their room the kids were ready for bed. Leia was tucking them into bed, kissing them each lightly on their foreheads, ending with Jacen.

"Goodnight, Jacen."

"Goodnight, Mom."

She smiled at him and started to move away and Jacen decided now was as good a time as any. "Wait, Mom?"

She turned back to him. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"Mom, I – I've got something for you."

"For me? What do you have for me?"

He held out his small fist and opened his hand to reveal a gold necklace. This was not the sort of thing a young boy went out and bought for his mother.

"Where did you get this, Jacen?" She tried to keep the accusing tone out of her voice.

"I… I found it on the ground. We weren't near any stores or anything and I didn't see anyone around, so I picked it up because I thought you might like it."

"Honey, I appreciate the thought but I'm sure this belongs to someone else. Tomorrow you can show me where you found it and we'll see if anyone is looking for it, all right?"

He looked disappointed. "All right. I never get to give you anything good."

Leia sat back down on her son's bed and brushed the hair away from his forehead. "You don't need to get me presents for me to love you, sweetheart. How about you give me a nice hug instead?"

Jacen leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his mother's neck, squeezing with all his might. When he pulled away she kissed his forehead again. "I love you. Goodnight, honey. Goodnight Jaina, Anakin." The other two children had already fallen asleep the moment their heads hit their pillows. Leia pulled the blankets up under Jacen's chin and left the room.

When she reached her and Han's bedroom, she shut the door behind her, anxiously awaiting crawling into bed and putting her feet up. It had been an awfully long day of walking. She could see Han in the 'fresher washing his face through the open door.

Leia collapsed on her back on the bed, not entirely sure she had the energy to brush her teeth before she fell asleep. After drying his face, Han turned to see his wife on the bed and walked toward her, appearing almost as tired as she felt and plopping down next to her. "Let's make tomorrow the day we find out how room service is for all three meals," he suggested jokingly.

"You're the one who promised we'd take the kids to the beach."

"You think maybe in the morning they'll forget I said that?"

"You've met our kids, right?"

"How about a Jedi mind trick?"

She playfully slapped him in the arm and then propped herself up on her elbows to look down at him. "Hey, this is strange."

"What?" he asked, disinterested. His eyes were already closed.

"When I was tucking Jacen in he gave me this, said he found it on the ground somewhere."

She held out the necklace and Han opened one eye, reaching his hand out and bringing the necklace in for a closer look. Suddenly he sat up fast and his face turned white, closing his fist and shutting his eyes.

"Han, what is it?"

She could tell he was in turmoil. She'd only seen that look on his face once or twice before when he'd first awakened from a nightmare that he was back in carbonite.

His fist was balled up tightly, the white knuckles visibly straining as his arm shook. Reaching out, she covered his fist with her hand, an attempt to steady him as well as calm him. "Please, just tell me. What is it?"

She felt his grip relax under her palm, his other hand coming to grab her wrist and turn her hand so that it was facing palm up. His sweaty hand opened to reveal the simple necklace she had just handed him.

She took it back from him and Han's eyes were still fixated on it as she held it in her hand. She ran her thumb along the small, heart-shaped pendant. It was flat and about the size of the pads of her fingers. Looking closer she noticed that there was an engraving on it - some numbers etched into the gold.

At first they didn't really mean anything to her, but then she realized that the pattern indicated a date. Some quick math in her head told her that the date was probably somewhere around when Han was born, although they had never figured out the exact day.

She turned her eyes toward him, his head still hanging low and staring intently at her hand. "Where did this come from?"

He lifted his head to look at her, and his eyes looked red as he tried to hold off tears. He spoke softly, "It was my mother's."

Taken aback, Leia answered, "How can that be? And I thought you didn't remember her?"

"I didn't," he said quietly, still staring blankly at the wall. "Not until I saw this. I… I can see her now. I remember the last time I saw her."

The incident had been too terrible for words. As the images from that night went flashing through Han's brain he realized why he had buried them so deeply all these years.

_Han recalled himself as a small child, kneeling on a light blue carpet with a toy space ship in his hands. Looking over his shoulder, he saw a woman in the kitchen, apparently cooking the family dinner. She was tall and slender with light brown hair and eyes just like his. _

_He heard the echo of her voice as she turned and smiled at her son and said, "Dinner will be ready soon and Daddy should be here any minute." _

_He felt a sense of contentment and love just from the smile she had given him. She walked over to him and lifted him into her arms and kissed him on his nose. He could almost smell her sweet perfume. _

"_Hanny, baby, will you go to the 'fresher and wash your hands?"_

"_My hands are clean, see?" He held his little hands up to his mother and she looked at him skeptically. _

"_Hmmm… if you weren't so cute I might be mad at you. You still have to wash your hands before dinner, okay?"_

"_All right."_

_She kissed him again and lowered him to his feet so he could scamper off to the 'fresher. He had just shut the water off when he heard a scream; the most horrible scream he'd ever heard and his heart started beating almost out of his chest when he realized it was his mother. _

_He could see them through the 'fresher door as his father had burst in from outside and was holding his mother and trying to calm her down before three men dressed in white armor came in behind them, pointing their blasters. His mother glanced over to Han and gave him a terrifying look that he somehow knew meant that she wanted him to hide, so he backed up and got behind the shower curtain, too afraid to look at what was going on. _

_He heard the blasters, the screaming, the noises that made his heart leap into his throat. Tears were stinging his eyes but he didn't know if he could look or if someone might come and find him. Seconds ticked by and he felt as though it had been an eternity before he heard his mother's terrified voice. "Han! Honey, come out here, hurry!" _

_He carefully opened the curtain and looked out to see his mother lying on the floor, the previously blue carpet stained with the dark red of her blood. He wasn't even sure where it was coming from, but he ran to her side and she reached out to take her hand. There was fire spreading in the living room, the heat building as the flames grew. _

_Behind his mother his father lay motionless, face down. Noticing Han's gaze, his mother put her hand against his cheek and turned it so he was facing her. "No, baby, don't look. Just look at Mommy. You have to listen to me, honey. You need to run. Go out the door and run as fast as you can."_

_He shook his head. "You come with me, Mommy. I don't wanna go." He could hardly see her through his tears anymore as her hand enveloped his and held it tight. _

_She shook her head sadly. "I can't go with you, sweetheart," she said as she looked down at her badly wounded leg. Her hand came up to rest against his cheek and he held it there, savoring her loving touch. "I love you so much, sweetheart, but I can't go with you. You have to run, Han."_

"_I don't want to leave you," he pleaded with her. _

"_You have to, baby, please!" She looked over toward the stove and his gaze followed hers to a metal cylinder with some lights on it. "There were some bad men here, and they put that there and it's going to explode any minute now. And that fire is going to get too close soon. So you have to run so you'll be safe. Please, you don't have much time!" _

_His entire body was shaking and he was torn between a desperate need to help his mother and the painful realization that he needed to run or he was going to get hurt and he knew she didn't want to see him get hurt. "I don't want to go alone," he barely choked out._

_The pain so evident in her eyes, she held out her hand and gave him the small, gold necklace she always wore around her neck. "Take this and I'll always be with you, Han." He took the necklace and put it around his neck, watching the nearing flames dance in her hazel eyes._

_In one, last, desperate move he stood and pulled his mother's arm with all of his might, trying to get her up and out the door, but she didn't budge. He was just too small and nowhere near strong enough. _

"_You have to go, sweetheart!" He looked down at her and finally realized that he had run out of time. Leaning down, he wrapped his arms around her neck and felt her squeeze him in a desperate hug. "I love you so much, Hanny. Your daddy loves you, too. I'm so sorry, baby. I don't want to leave you alone, but I want you to be safe. You be strong for Mommy, okay? You be strong and you're gonna be okay, all right? But you have to run, now! And don't stop for anyone!"_

"_I love you, Mommy," he said before she took his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. She kissed his face several times and then looked at him sadly. _

"_I love you, Han. Now go. Go!" _

_He looked at her pleading eyes one last time and then turned to run out the front door as fast as his little legs would carry him. They had a small yard in a residential neighborhood. He only just made it to the end of the walkway when the loudest noise he'd ever heard blasted in his ears and he was thrown off his feet and into the street. _

_After composing himself he turned back and saw his house engulfed in flames, wanting to scream for his parents, but he remembered his mother's words, and he began to run. He could barely breathe as he ran and ran into the night. _

Han looked up at Leia and the pain in his eyes was worse than anything she'd ever seen. She gently ran her fingers against the side of his face, unsure of what she should say. "Han?"

His eyes met hers and he didn't say a word, merely pulled her into a desperate hug and buried his face in her shoulder. She could feel him shaking and her heart ached for him. Han had always said he had no memory of ever having any parents or how he came to be an orphan. Whatever memory had been sparked by seeing this necklace had likely been repressed for close to forty years.

She wanted to ask him what had caused him so much pain, but she knew her husband and she knew that he would tell her when and if he was ready to. Right now he seemed only to need her comforting presence, and that was what she gave him as she held him tight and stroked the hair on the back of his head, tears filling her own eyes.

That was how they remained until Leia became so exhausted she gently leaned over and lowered both of them into the soft mattress, never breaking the embrace. Han offered no resistance but he didn't let her go, and without even noticing it eventually they both drifted off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Leia awakened when the light from the window penetrated her eyelids. She was on her back and still wearing her regular clothes when she looked down and saw Han's head resting against her chest and his arm wrapped around her, still sound asleep. She wondered if this morning he'd tell her what he remembered, but before she could ask him, the door opened and three young children peered in.

"Well, good morning," she said quietly, but apparently not quietly enough to keep from waking Han up.

His head lifted and he wiped his eyes, taking a few seconds to become fully conscious and then his gaze fell on his children in the doorway. "Hey, guys, come on up here."

The three, young pajama-clad Solos came into the room and climbed up on their parents' bed. Han anxiously pulled each of them close and kissed their foreheads one at a time. "We're hungry, Dad," Jacen said.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, and when can we go to the beach?" Jaina asked.

"Why don't you guys go get dressed and we'll get some breakfast and then get ready to spend the day in the water, does that sound good?" Han said.

"Yeah!" they exclaimed before running off toward their own bedroom.

Leia wasn't quite sure what to say, if anything. Han got up off the bed and headed for the 'fresher, and she found herself speaking up. "Han?"

He turned to look at her as though absolutely nothing had happened the night before. "Yeah?"

She shook her head. "Just don't take too long so I can shower before we leave, all right?"

"No problem," he said before going into the 'fresher.

* * *

><p>Han still held the necklace in his hand. He remembered seeing it dangling from his mother's neck when she tucked him in at night. He remembered looking up at her when she held his hand as they walked down the street. He could even remember the sweet, fruity smell of her hair when she would hug him.<p>

He had spent years convincing himself that he had never had any real parents to speak of, not wanting to think that they had abandoned him and might still be out there somewhere. He had always told himself that they were dead and that he never had a moment of a normal childhood. Nor did he have any hope of anyone saving him from Shrike.

This suddenly reminded him that that wasn't true. It hadn't been long, but for the very early years of his existence, he had a mother and father who loved him and took care of him. He could see a few, brief glimpses of his father, but the memories were more vague and he got the sense that he worked or was away a lot. For all of the vivid images of his mother now flooding back to him, he couldn't even recall his father talking to him. He only remembered a dark-haired man with a beard and moustache who he could see from his childish vantage point hugging his mother.

She was beautiful and he knew he was hers when he recalled her eyes, the shape and color exactly like his own. His memories told him that she'd loved him dearly and he felt a pang of sadness that he hadn't had her with him growing up or even now. Did she know what he had become? Did she know he was happy and had given her grandchildren?

More than anything he felt immense guilt that he hadn't been able to save her. He pictured himself trying to pull her out the door with him. Her wounds didn't look fatal. If he'd been a little bit stronger and pulled a little bit harder maybe she would still be there with him now.

_I'm so sorry…_

Leaning down over the sink, he splashed some water on his face. There was no time to grieve right now. Knowing he had to pull himself together and enjoy this vacation with his family, he tried to put the images out of his mind as he stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower to get ready for the day.

* * *

><p>Breakfast was a normal affair with the welcome distraction of the kids acting like they usually tended to. Their biggest problem at the moment was what they were going to choose to eat. Han still hadn't said anything and while he was acting somewhat normal, Leia could tell he was troubled.<p>

His eyes remained intently on the kids, possibly to avoid making eye contact with his wife and inviting further inquiries. She hoped that maybe after a day of family fun he might be more ready to talk later.

Once the table was cleared and the bill had been paid the Solos went back to their suite to gather up their things and head to the beach.

The beach was on a vast ocean and had warm, soft sand that was almost pure white. This was one of the quieter locations on the water and there were a few other families and couples strewn about in the sand but each group had more than enough space to themselves. Han took Leia's hand as they walked toward the water with their children running ahead to find the perfect place to set up camp for the day.

"Is this okay, Dad?" Jacen asked as he picked an area of sand about thirty meters from the water that looked pretty much like every other patch of sand on the beach.

"Sure, Pal. Looks good to me."

The children threw down there toys and stripped off their overshirts excitedly before dashing toward the water.

"Wait! Sunscreen first! No swimming without one of us!" Leia shouted but the kids kept running either because they didn't hear or they had chosen to pretend they didn't. She heaved an exasperated sigh before she dropped her beach bag and chair in the sand, Han doing the same next to her.

"I'll go get 'em, sweetheart. Let's just let them get one short swim in before we slather them up in sunblock."

"All right, but don't take too long."

Han smiled, removed his shirt and threw it in the pile with the rest of their things before marching off to where his children were knee deep in the water. Leia watched Han as he approached them in his navy blue trunks, beginning by splashing them each playfully which they returned, then he'd pick one up and bring them out deeper into the water while the others would scream delightedly.

She cherished seeing these moments with her family. It sometimes reminded her of these sorts of moments when she was a child on one of the rare occasions she got a family vacation. Han so loved spending this carefree time with Jacen, Jaina and Anakin. Partly because she knew he had been robbed of experiencing any of this through their eyes.

Or had he? He hadn't said anything else about the necklace and she was immensely curious as to what he now remembered. At this point he was acting as though he didn't even remember anything that had happened the night before.

She decided it would be best if they all simply enjoyed the day and she moved to spread out chairs and towels and beach toys that would mark their territory for the better part of the day.

After the first round of swimming and the parents working together to ensure that every inch of their children's exposed skin was slathered in sunscreen, Han was lying on his back in the sun next to his wife. Jacen, Jaina and Anakin were within earshot closer to the water, working to build extravagant sandcastles. Leia was sitting in her beach chair next to Han under the shade of a large umbrella to protect her ivory skin from the harsh rays of the sun.

She wore a red two-piece bathing suit that showed off a body that looked as though it couldn't have possibly been responsible for bringing three children into the universe, let alone two at once. Han lay on his back, smoothing the material of his swimsuit that extended halfway down his thighs, luxuriating in the rejuvenating sun as a thin sheen of sweat covered his skin in the heat.

It was all a welcome distraction, being relaxed on the beach. If not just from the organized chaos that was their normal day-to-day lives, then from the memories that had suddenly begun coming back to him. A mother he'd forgotten existed suddenly became crystal clear in his mind. She hadn't abandoned him, she'd loved and cared for him and he'd been unable to save her in the end.

Leia had held him close, and he couldn't bring himself to tell her of the horrible images that were the last moments of his mother's life. She already had enough past heartache with her own terrible memories of her father's demise; he didn't need to burden her with this. While he couldn't tell her, he also couldn't do anything but bask in her comforting embrace until they'd both fallen asleep. All he wanted to do now was enjoy his time with his family. His children's smiles were immensely healing and he only wanted to make up for so much of what he never had.

At some point he had drifted off to sleep in the warm sand, but felt as though he could see the sun through his eyelids, so he opened his eyes. The sun was still warm overhead and he looked around to see if he could find out what kind of progress the kids had made on their sandcastles.

_Instead, he looked down to find himself on his hands and knees, a pile of sand of his own in front of him. The hands that held up his upper body were small with short, stubby fingers and he felt a tremendous amount of sand chafing his skin inside his shorts. _

"_Han?"_

_He turned and looked up to see his mother, alive and well and smiling down at him. She wore a black one-piece bathing suit and a colorful covering flowing loosely off her lower body like a skirt. "Somebody is a big mess, huh?"_

_Han looked up and could feel himself smiling, somewhat proud of the fact that he had managed to cover himself in sand. _

"_Come on, sweetie, let's get you cleaned off."_

_Her hands grasped him under his arms and carried him off to the water, wading in until she was deep enough to dip him in and rinse the sand from his body. He could see the beach behind them as they went, similar to where he had brought Leia and the kids, but not quite the same. He giggled as his mother swayed his body in the water from side to side, making playful noises and smiling at him. _

_Once she decided he was clean enough she pulled him close once again and kissed his forehead. "I love you."_

_He looked at her. "I love you, too, Mommy."_

His eyes snapped open and he looked to his left to see Leia next to him, staring absently at the datapad in front of her and occasionally looking ahead to where the children were. He glanced down in front of him toward the water where he saw the kids surrounded by practically a city of sandcastles while he had to fight to keep from reacting emotionally to the memory.

It was the kind of memory he supposed other people would look back on fondly. It only made him feel cheated for living the life he had rather than growing up like a normal kid. And again he felt the pain of not being able to keep that wonderful woman from harm.

He sat up on his elbows and reached up to silently take Leia's hand. She looked down at him and smiled and he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "What's that for?" she asked, peeking out over the top of her round-rimmed sunglasses.

"Nothin'," he replied. "I'm just glad we're all here like this."

Smiling again, she replied, "Me, too."

He would never know what it was like to have a normal childhood, and while part of him wished he could go back and make it different, the other part of him realized that any other circumstances of his growing up likely would not have resulted in his being in that cantina to shuttle those passengers to that Death Star and rescue the princess who would eventually become his wife. The gods made up for things in strange ways. Still, he had to wonder why he couldn't have just had both.

Leia removed her sunglasses and moved to stand. "I'm going to go for a little swim. Interested?"

"I'll be down in a minute."

"What are you waiting for?"

"I just want to watch you walk away in that swimsuit," he replied with a wink.

"Well, don't be long," she said as she sauntered off toward the water, moving a bit slower and more deliberately than he suspected she otherwise would've had he not been paying attention.

The rest of the day was spent intermittently swimming and playing with the kids, getting them to sit still just long enough to eat a bit of lunch, building sandcastles and ensuring that the twins didn't bury their younger brother in the sand.

As Han piloted the speeder back to the resort, all four of his passengers fell asleep. Once they were back in their suite, the young Solos were quickly ushered to their 'fresher to avoid getting sand everywhere. After getting them cleaned up, Leia mentioned to Han that she was pretty sure that between the three of them, half of the beach sand had come home in the kids' swimsuits.

Sensing that the kids were probably too tired and restless to handle a sit-down meal, they decided to have dinner delivered to their suite. Jacen, Jaina and Anakin had had so much fun with their parents that day that they didn't want to go to sleep just yet, so they requested a holomovie. Han and Leia were more exhausted than the kids and told them they could watch a movie only if they got into their pajamas now and promised to go to bed right when it was over.

They decided to watch the holomovie in the master bedroom, Leia on one end of the bed with Jaina, Jacen, then Anakin and Han on the other. As he reclined comfortably in bed with the four most important people in his life, Han tried to remind himself that whatever had happened in his past, at the moment he considered himself to be the luckiest man in the galaxy.


	5. Chapter 5

Han's eyes snapped open. He tried to hold onto whatever it was he'd been dreaming about, but like most dreams, it was gone by the time the fogginess of awakening was gone. The faint orange light of the rising sun was peering through the windows and Han wondered what they were going to do with themselves today.

He wiped at his eyes with his left hand, realizing his right arm was pinned under someone. Fully expecting to see Leia, he looked down to see his youngest son snuggled up to his side and drooling all over his t-shirt. He thought of the night before and had no recollection of how the holomovie ended or when he'd fallen asleep.

He lifted his head just enough to scan the bed, finding the rest of his family sound asleep. He smiled when he saw Jacen sprawled on his back in the middle with Jaina facing him, on her side with Leia curled up behind her with an arm over her daughter's shoulder. Apparently the whole family had been far too exhausted to bother staying up for the entire holomovie.

He wanted to stay in the bed with his family, knowing that these sorts of moments were all too fleeting, but Han needed the 'fresher more than anything at the moment, and he carefully moved out from underneath Anakin and replaced his own body with a pillow that the young boy accepted as a suitable substitute without waking up.

After leaving the 'fresher, he quietly walked into the living area and sat down on the couch, holding the necklace in his hand and wondering if any more memories were going to come after him.

"Hey."

He jumped at the noise even if it was only Leia's quiet voice coming from behind him. "Hey. Sorry, I hope I didn't wake you up."

"You didn't. Jaina rolled over and accidentally whacked me in the face."

"Yeah, tonight we should probably actually put them to sleep in their own room."

She came over and sat down next to him, unable to keep from pretending she didn't know how he'd been affected by his memories the other night. "Han, are you all right?"

It took him a few moments to answer, his eyes still fixated on the golden pendant in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he finally replied, "I just didn't think I remembered her."

"Your mother?" she asked, bringing her fingers up to brush his hair back gently over his ear.

"Yeah. I thought I never had anybody. When we were at the beach yesterday, I remembered being there with her. I remembered her picking me up and bringing me down to the water."

"It's nice to know you had someone, even if it was only for a little while."

"Is it? I feel like it was easier thinking that there never was anyone. Then I can't think about exactly what I missed out on."

Her fingers continued running through his hair for a few silent moments before she spoke again. "Han, when I lost Alderaan and my father, you know how much that hurt."

He looked up at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I know what happened to me doesn't compare, but-"

She shook her head and gently interrupted him, putting her hand on his knee. "Let me finish. I'm not saying you don't have a right to be upset." She moved closer and put her arm around him. "I'm just saying that as much as it hurt I would rather have had it for a little while than to never have had it at all."

He looked at her, enjoying the feel of her hand rubbing soothingly up and down his arm. He leaned over and hugged her tightly. "I love you."

She kissed his ear and he felt her warm breath as she replied. "I love you, too." When he leaned away she kissed him gently and then spoke again. "How about tonight we try and have some Mommy and Daddy time. Maybe set the kids up with a holomovie and when they go to bed we can have our own dinner out on the terrace."

Han smiled. "I definitely like the way you think."

"Mom?" Leia turned and saw Jacen standing in the doorway.

It suddenly occurred to Han that his oldest son might not have told them everything about where he had gotten the necklace. "Hey, buddy, come here for a minute," Han said gently.

Jacen wiped his brown eyes and walked to the couch, taking a seat in between his parents. "You see this?" He was careful to keep any accusatory tones out of his voice as he held the necklace up. He did not expect to hear anything that would make him upset with his son.

Jacen nodded, looking a little nervous.

Han reached up and mussed Jacen's hair. "Don't worry, kiddo, I'm not mad at you. I just want to know where you got it."

Jacen looked back and forth between his parents. "I don't know, I just found it. You know, when you and Anakin were still in the 'fresher."

Han eyed him skeptically. "So it was just lying there on the ground and you picked it up and that's it?"

Once again, Jacen looked nervously back and forth between his parents. Leia spoke up this time. "Sweetheart, it's all right, we're not going to be mad at you. Daddy just needs to know where you got it."

After taking a deep breath, he spoke. "There was this old lady."

"She wasn't tryin' to sell this to you, was she?"

He shook his head. "No. She gave it to me."

"She just walked up and gave it to you? Just like that?" Han asked.

"Well, she kinda acted like she knew me. She said I still looked so young and said something about my mother and how that," he indicated the necklace, "was mine."

None of this seemed to make any sense and Han and Leia remained quiet while they tried to come up with an explanation.

In his nervousness, Jacen spoke up again. "I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to take stuff from strangers but she really wanted me to have it and then just before you came out she made me take it and just disappeared."

Han put an arm around his son reassuringly and pulled him into a half-hug. "It's okay, buddy, we're not mad at you. We just wanted to know where it came from, that's all."

Jacen was visibly relieved when Han released him. "It was nice of you to think of giving it to Mom, too."

He shrugged. "Well, I never get to give her anything good like you do."

Leia hugged Jacen up against her side. "Sweetheart, I told you, I don't need you or Daddy to give me presents for me to know you love me."

"Really? Cuz sometimes Daddy says you're mad at him so he has to go out and buy-"

Han's hand clamped down over his son's mouth, efficiently cutting off the end of his sentence. "All right, all right. Why don't you go brush your teeth now, huh?"

Jacen smirked before hopping off the couch and trotting off to the children's bedroom.

Leia turned to Han. "So you're teaching our kids that if someone is mad at them then they should buy them something?"

Han shrugged. "Not every time, but you gotta admit, it doesn't hurt."

"Well, no, I suppose it doesn't," she agreed.

Remaining quiet once again, Han held the necklace up and looked at it, running his thumb over the etched numbers.

"Han, what do you think that date means?"

"I know what you're thinkin'. Seems about when I would've been born, right?"

She nodded. Han had a decent idea of how old he was based on what Shrike would say. He knew how old he was when he had escaped and decided for future purposes to use that day as his date of birth, always having felt that it was when he was truly born into the universe, no longer a slave. "This is the day after tomorrow. And you're even a little younger than we always thought."

"See, I knew I was too good lookin' to already be forty-three."

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Don't get too carried away. You only get to be forty-two again for a couple more days."

"I think I want to try and find this woman who gave Jacen the necklace. Do you mind if I go out alone for a little while this morning?"

She shook her head. "No, of course not. Are you sure you'll be all right alone?"

"I'm not a little kid anymore, sweetheart. I think I'll be all right."

"Mom!" Jaina yelled from the next room. "Anakin keeps kicking me and I'm trying to sleep!"

Leia sighed. "Now I'm more concerned if _I'll_ be all right."

"Sorry, honey. I'll be as quick as I can," he kissed her forehead before standing up. "Gotta make sure I'm back in time for our date tonight," he said with a wink and a smile.


	6. Chapter 6

As Han piloted the speeder toward where Jacen had last seen that woman, he felt his palms sweating. He wished he could remember when it was he had lost the necklace, but in spite of the long-lost memories that had been slowly revealing themselves to him for the first time in years, none of them made the fate of the necklace clear to him.

He made his way toward the corridor Jacen had seen her in on foot, really having no idea what he expected to find there. It seemed odd that some woman would often just hang around this random hallway.

Just before the entrance, he noticed the old pawn shop right next door - the one that he had so often been sent to sell things when he was a child. His curiosity got to him, and he decided to walk in and see if it sparked any memories.

As he walked through the doorway, the first thing he noticed was the smell. Not that it was a bad smell, just that it was familiar. The smell of slightly rusted metal and old, somewhat musty wood. The scent of dust filled his nostrils, and he could clearly remember walking in here and experiencing the same smell so long ago.

Walking forward, he saw the orange counter he had noticed a few days earlier. He remembered it being just about at eye level, his younger self struggling to see over as he would deal with the merchant. Now the counter merely came up to his waist.

"Can I help you?" Han heard a woman's voice ask from behind him. Turning, he saw the face of a woman roughly his own age. She had wavy, shoulder-length brown hair and a soft, welcoming smile. Now, it wasn't that unusual for a child Jacen's age to think of anyone over the age of twenty as old. But he did not think this was the woman that his son had described to him.

"I'm… uh… I'm not sure." And he truly wasn't sure. He had no idea where to start with this woman. Something about this woman's face though told him he could trust her, in spite of the sort of business she was in. Not that pawn shops in and of themselves were illegal, but everybody knew that much of what they were sold had been stolen. They simply made it policy never to ask how something had been acquired.

"Well, then, I'm not sure I can be much help to you," the woman replied.

"Wait a second," Han said, reaching into his pocket. "Maybe there is something." He pulled his hand from his pocket and dangled the necklace in front of her eyes. "Have you ever seen this before?"

She took a good look and then her eyes widened in such a way that Han knew without hearing her answer that this was not the first time the woman had seen it. Han didn't know a whole lot about jewelry, but he knew the necklace he held in his hand didn't have much monetary value.

The woman's eyes met Han's. "She told me she found you, but I didn't believe her."

Now Han was very confused. "What?"

"My mother. She said she found the boy who had given that to her, but I thought she was crazy."

"It was my son. She saw my son and I guess she thought it was me. But who is your mother? I don't remember giving this to her."

"My parents owned this place before we were even born – me and my brother. She said there were some kids who used to come in here all the time selling stuff she knew they never should've been able to get their hands on. But nobody was supposed to ask any questions. She told me a story about this boy who would come in sometimes to sell jewelry or maybe a nice wrist chrono. She said she liked this kid because he would stay and talk to her, seeming happy just to be having a normal conversation about anything. And he reminded her of her son."

"Your brother?"

The woman nodded and Han could see a hint of sadness in her eyes. "He was killed in an Imperial raid when he was only twelve. It was awful for all of us, as you can imagine. But I think it started to do a number on Mom's mind as well. She was never really the same after that."

"I'm really sorry to hear about your brother," Han said.

"Thank you," she said sadly, then continued on with her story as normal. "Anyway, Mom told me how one day she saw this boy out in the alley getting beaten up. He was pretty scrawny and some bigger kids took advantage of him and stole a few of the things he was about to pawn. Mom went out and got them to run away and brought the kid inside."

Suddenly something sparked in Han's brain and a clear image came to him, of lying in a ball in the alley, his arms covering his head while three bigger kids took turns kicking and punching him. Then he heard a voice.

"_Get out of here. Can't find anyone your own size to fight?"_

_Like most kids, at the sound of an authoritative adult, they immediately started to run away. Han pulled his arms away from his face and looked up to see a woman coming toward him – the nice lady from the pawn shop who would talk to him and sometimes even give him cookies. _

_Han sat up, feeling the throbbing pain throughout his body as the woman approached him with a concerned look on her face. Han tasted blood on his tongue, and she knelt in front of him and wiped the hair from his forehead in a motherly fashion. "Oh, dear boy, are you all right?"_

_He wasn't really sure, but even if he wasn't all right, he'd be in serious trouble with Shrike if he wasn't back before dark. So he nodded._

"_Don't let those boys bother you. It's a real coward who picks on someone so much smaller." _

_Han was tired of being small. He hoped someday he could grow up to be big and strong. _

_She started to help him to his feet. "Come on inside, let me at least get you cleaned up a bit."_

_He shook his head. "No, I'm fine, I swear."_

_She looked at him skeptically. "Just do it for me, all right? If I were your mother I'd want someone to help you."_

_Han felt saddened once again that he had no mother who was going to help with his injuries, so he nodded. "Okay,"and he followed as the woman led him inside the pawn shop and to a small office room in the back._

_Han remembered her putting bandages on a few of his cuts, and he remembered thinking about the boys who had come after him, and that they had stolen the things he was supposed to sell. He was going to be in a lot of trouble when he got back. But he was also greatly relieved that they had not stolen the one thing that he had no intention of ever selling. But now he feared it might someday wind up in the hands of some punk kid somewhere, and he'd never see it again. _

_He didn't understand why this woman was so nice to him. There weren't a whole lot of grown-ups who gave him more than a dirty look – although in all fairness, he did steal from a lot of them. He trusted this woman for reasons he didn't understand. And while he couldn't remember having asked anyone for help in the past, he found himself wanting to now._

_Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the small, gold necklace he had carried around for as long as he could remember. Over the years his mind had blocked out how exactly it came to his possession, but he knew it was important to him and he knew he would be devastated if it was taken away. _

_The woman saw him pull it from his pocket and looked at the golden pendant. "What's this now, son? Something you want to sell me today?"_

_Han shook his head. "I was wondering if you could hold onto this for me."_

_She took it from his hands and studied it, her eyes telling him she knew it wasn't really worth much. "For how long?"_

_Han shrugged. "Until it's safe, I guess. Until nobody can take it from me."_

_Her eyes indicated understanding as she looked at him. "Why is this so important to you?"_

_Han looked down at the ground, not sure how to answer. "I – I think it mighta been my mother's. I think she gave it to me."_

_The woman looked confused. "You _think_?"_

_Han shrugged again. "I don't really remember everything." That was true. Han felt as though there was some memory there he had tried to keep from himself for whatever reason. Sometimes he'd dream that he saw a woman who his mind told him was his mother, but he could never see her face. All he knew was that for as long as he could remember, he'd been guarding that necklace with his life, constantly fearful that it would be taken from him. He was worried his luck was running out there._

_He looked into the woman's eyes once again, and they looked watery. She reached out and took the necklace from him. "Young man, I will keep this safe for as long as you need me to. You just come back and get it when you're ready."_

_Great relief flooded through Han's body. Eventually Han knew he had to leave, even though he desperately wanted to ask if the woman would keep him safe as well. But something in the pit of his stomach told him that Shrike would find him no matter what. The punishment he'd take would be severe, and he would also get this nice lady in trouble, and he didn't want to do that to her. _

_Han remembered starting to walk home, the sun setting as the streets darkened. His heart started beating faster when he suddenly felt as though he was being followed and he started to run. He'd gotten quite good at running, but this time he was not quite quick enough. Feeling someone grab him, he was tackled to the ground and looked up to see the boys who had been chased away earlier, coming back for more. _

_They beat him into unconsciousness, and the next thing he knew, he was waking up on the _Trader's Luck_ – the ship he'd had to call home for so many years. He had no idea how he had gotten there, or any memory of anything else that had happened that day._

Thinking about it now, Han suspected the beating had messed with his short-term memory. From then on he truly believed that he had never had any parents and forgot about the necklace completely. And that was where the memory ended.

"Mom said she'd been waiting for that boy to come back for his necklace. She hasn't really been in her right mind for years so I'll admit, we never really thought much of it. But then the other day she said she found him."

Han smiled. "Yeah, I guess my son looks a lot like I did at that age. Is she here somewhere? Your mother?"

She shook her head. "Not today, no. Like I said, she's not doing so well, so many days she's much better off if she just stays home."

"I'm here for about another week with my family. Do you think you could bring her by one day? I'd really like to be able to thank her."

The woman smiled. "I think she'd like that. I can't promise she'll remember you, though. Some days she doesn't even know who I am."

"It's all right. I think I'd still like to say thank you."

"Come back tomorrow. If she's having a decent day, I will bring her."

"Thank you, really."

"Thank you," the woman said. "I'm just glad to hear that that story she's been telling all these years wasn't just because she was crazy."

Han laughed. "Tomorrow," he said as he started toward the door, and the woman nodded at him just before he left.


	7. Chapter 7

Han had commed Leia to tell her he was headed back and she told him that she had brought the children out to the resort pool to expend some of their endless energy.

When he arrived back he headed straight there to see them. He could hear his children before he saw them, giggling and laughing and playing some sort of game they'd made up – they were good at that sort of thing. "Hi, Daddy!" Anakin yelled from the water as Han walked to sit down next to where his wife was sprawled on a lounge chair in her swimsuit, sunglasses, and a large, floppy-brimmed had to shade the sun from her face.

"Daddy, come swim with us!" Jaina yelled.

"In a little while, guys. I need to talk to Mom first."

Leia peeked out from her sunglasses and Han leaned in to give her a quick kiss. "Hope they weren't too much trouble," he said.

She smiled. "None at all. As long as they're in the water they're happy as can be."

"Sure looks that way."

"Did you find her?"

"Not yet," Han said. "But I did meet her daughter."

"And what did you find out?"

Han told her the story, of the things that he had remembered and the things the woman had told him, and she held his hands between hers as he spoke.

"Would you like to come back with me tomorrow?" Han asked.

Leia smiled. "Of course. I'd love to."

"Great," he said before leaning in to kiss her again. "Now," he continued. "On to more important things. You still up for that Mommy and Daddy time tonight that we talked about?"

"Wouldn't miss it," she said with a seductive smile on her face. "You just arrange for dinner, I'll make sure the kids are occupied, and we'll see what happens from there."

"You got a deal," Han said with a wink, knowing full well exactly what would happen from there.

Han and Leia had bet that a long day at the pool would make for some very tired little Solos and hoped they would not have much trouble falling asleep early and quick. The children had played for hours, Han and Leia taking turns joining them in the water or sometimes taking them on together.

It was difficult to drag them away from the pool at the end of the day even though it was apparent all three children were exhausted. Upon finally surrendering, they were fed and bathed and in their pajamas and while Leia sat in their room and told them a story before bedtime, Han readied their dinner table and waited for their food to be delivered. He somewhat missed cooking while away from home, but it sure beat having to do the dishes.

Once the food arrived, Han set it out and then walked into the kids' bedroom and saw Leia speaking quietly while their three young children were fighting to keep their eyes open. The couple smiled at one another and Leia finished up her story before kissing each of her children on their foreheads, Han following to do the same and then creeping out of the room.

"You hungry, sweetheart?"

"Starved."

"Good, because I've got just the thing for that."

He slipped his hand into hers and led her out onto the terrace that overlooked the beautiful Corellian skyline, aglow with thousands of twinkling lights. "Candles, huh? Fancy," she said.

"Only the best for my girl."

He pulled her chair out for her and she sat before he filled their wine glasses and settled in across from her at the small table. They ate and talked about their time on Corellia, the things they had seen, funny things the children had said or done over the past couple of days and how delicious the meal was.

"I'm really glad we came here, Han," Leia said. "It's been nice to spend this much time with the kids. And I think they even still like us."

He smiled somewhat sadly, thinking about the vacations he never had as a kid. He thought again about the guilt he felt at not being able to save his mother. But then he looked up at Leia's beautiful brown eyes reflecting the candlelight and remembered vividly the day that he had met her, after having flown into the debris of what was once her home planet. She'd lost her whole world. Although when a child is as young as Han was when he'd lost his parents, they pretty much make up their whole world.

He knew her guilt tore at her sometimes. She'd still wake up from nightmares, seeing it all happening again. Wishing there was some way he could take the pain away all he could ever do was hold her and assure her that he would always be there for her and it wasn't her fault.

He did find that she enjoyed talking about the happy memories she'd shared with her father. He wondered if she remembered as far back as he now did. "What's the earliest memory you have?" he asked without really thinking about it.

Taking another bite of her dessert, Leia looked surprised to be asked such a question, then seemed to really ponder it. "I don't know, really. Why do you ask?"

Instead of telling her the real reason, he responded, "I just sometimes wonder what kind of stuff Jacen, Jaina and Anakin are going to remember about us when they get older."

"Well, hopefully not any of the mornings we'd go to get them when we were completely exhausted and looking like hell."

"Nah, I'm sure they only remember the good stuff. I hope they remember this trip. I've really enjoyed spending all this time together, just the five of us."

"Me, too." She ate another forkful of the sweet mousse on her plate and then looked up at the star-filled sky. "Well, let me think. I guess I remember some insignificant things from when I was pretty young. I don't really know how old, I just know what things looked like from my perspective. I can remember crawling up onto my father's bed when my eyes barely reached the mattress, and the little stuffed Ewok I used to carry around."

"I can hardly even picture you acting like a carefree little kid."

She smiled a little. "I'll admit I grew up a little too fast, but there was some time there very early on where I was mostly like anyone else."

"Except for the whole princess thing, right?"

She flashed him a grin. "Right, maybe except for that. I remember the way the field behind the house smelled. Anytime I'm near this certain type of flower I am immediately brought back there. I can almost feel the sun and hear my aunts yelling at me to come back inside."

"Sounds pretty nice."

She smiled. "It was. It was lonely at times, but I always felt safe." He gave her an uneasy smile, being fully reminded that safe was something he had never felt once he lost his parents. Sensing this, Leia reached a hand across the table and took his warmly, her fingers gently running up and down his. "Do you remember anything else besides the beach?"

He wasn't sure if he was ready to tell her the awful truth. "Kind of like you I mostly remember a few things here and there. Just holding my mother's hand and the way her hair smelled. Being in a small bedroom with posters of space ships on the wall when she'd tuck me in."

"You must've been a cute little kid," Leia said with a smile.

Han shrugged. "Probably. Although honestly, I don't really remember. I think Jacen looks a lot like I did, though."

"Well then," Leia replied, "now I _know _you were adorable."

Han smiled back at her. "We do make cute kids, sweetheart."

They were quiet for a few moments, and then Leia looked at him questioningly. "Do you remember the last time you saw your mother, Han?"

He held her gaze, wanting to shake his head and deny it. The images flashed in his mind once again and his vision was growing blurry.

She knew there was something he wasn't telling her. There was no way he could hide it. "It's all right, Han. You can tell me. Did she abandon you?"

He shook his head slowly, silent for a few moments. "I couldn't save her," he said in barely a whisper.

She stood up and moved to sit across his lap, holding him close as he continued. "I tried to pull her out with me but I was too small. I couldn't save her."

She kissed his forehead and held his head against her chest, rocking him gently back and forth. "It's all right, Han. I'm sure there was nothing you could've done."

He heard her words and thought of the times he'd said the same thing to her about her guilt over Alderaan. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's like I know there was nothing I could do but when I look back I just think maybe if I'd tried a little harder."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

He shook his head. "No. Not right now. I love our kids, and I just hope that they never have to see anything like what I saw."

"I feel the same thing. Let's just try and make sure they don't have to."

He pulled his head away from her and leaned up to kiss her slowly, tasting the sweet dessert on her lips. When his hands moved up her back he felt her shiver and decided that now might be a good time to go inside. "Ready for bed, sweetheart?"

Instead of answering, she simply stood and took his hand, starting to walk toward the doorway.

"Wait a sec," he said. "Just let me bring these dishes inside and I'll be right in."

"Don't be long," she replied as she sauntered toward the bedroom.

He smiled and went to clear the table as fast as he could.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later Han entered the master bedroom, turning to lock the door behind him. The weight of his body moved the mattress and he rolled on his side to come up behind his wife, who was facing away from him with her eyes closed. He gently shook her and whispered. "Sweetheart? I'm back."<p>

He trailed kisses along her arm, then stopped abruptly when she didn't stir. "Sweetheart?" he said again, sounding disappointed and then exhaling heavily in frustration at her silence before rolling over onto his back.

It was only a few more seconds before Leia rolled over on top of him and brought her face right against his, an impish smile on her face. "Just kidding," she said before leaning down to kiss him.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to some of the best therapy his wife could provide, Han awakened the next morning feeling fantastic. He was also going to bring his family back to the pawn shop to see if he could meet the old woman. Since they were headed that way anyway, Han suggested they leave the resort for breakfast, going to one of the more local diners for a genuine, greasy breakfast instead of the more upscale offerings at their hotel. They were not disappointed.

Han didn't know what to expect as they approached the shop. He held Jaina and Anakin's hands as they walked in, Leia behind them with Jacen. Han grinned when he saw the woman from the day before. "Welcome back," she said with a smile.

"Is she here?" Han asked without hesitation. He needed to thank this woman for helping him all those years ago and for giving him back his memories.

The woman nodded. "She's in the back office. It would probably be best if you came to see her there. She's not doing too badly today, but I thought you'd want some privacy."

"Thanks," Han said as he walked forward, then suddenly stopped, remembering he had completely forgotten to introduce his family. "I'm sorry, this is my family. My wife, Leia."

Leia walked forward and shook the woman's hand and said, "It's nice to meet you."

"And these are our kids, Jacen, Jaina and Anakin. Guys this is…" Han trailed off, embarrassed at the sudden realization that he had never gotten this woman's name.

She simply smiled and said, "Villie."

"Right," Han said. "And I'm-"

"I know who you are, Captain Solo. I know how you and your wife helped defeat the Empire."

Han felt his face reddening. He was never a fan of being recognized. "So does your mom know that, too?"

She shook her head. "No, she wouldn't know a thing about it anyway and we never knew that the boy she mentioned in the story grew up to be you. Why don't you come back and see her?"

They all walked toward the office, and the door opened to a very old woman dressed in a brown cloak, similar to that of a Jedi, but not quite. She was seated in a large armchair, reading a datapad. "Mother," Villie said. "There's someone here I think you'll be happy to see."

The woman looked up, her eyes almost vacant, the deep blue of them looking almost cloudy as she tried to discern the sight in front of her. She looked at Han first, then the rest of the family. Jaina and Anakin had moved close enough to Han that they were almost hiding behind their father's legs. Jacen was still in good view next to Leia, and the woman looked down at him, then back at Han, and he could almost see the light bulb going off in her head.

"It _is _you," she said with a smile. "I kept it safe for you, young man."

Han held the necklace up and showed it to her. "Yes, you did. I don't know how to thank you."

"No need for thanks. It was not a difficult task."

"Either way," Han replied, "thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."

She smiled at him and looked again at the rest of the Solos. "Is this your family?"

Han nodded and introduced them all. "Your son looks like you."

Han turned and looked at Jacen, who was smiling up at him proudly. "Yeah, I guess he does."

"Wait," she said. "I have something for you." The woman took great effort to stand up and moved to an old set of drawers in the corner of the room, sifting through as Han looked at Villie who simply shrugged at him.

Finally, she found what she was looking for as she turned and extended a bony hand that held a holocube. Her thumb activated the image and she held it out to Han, who took it without a word and looked at it.

He saw a young boy, scrawny, a little dirty, his brown hair messy and a bit longer than most boys his age. He was smiling crookedly, holding a cookie in his hand that he suspected the woman had given him. Han saw the resemblance to Jacen and he felt his throat tighten and his eyes water. He had never seen a holo of himself as a child. It wasn't necessarily a time he wanted commemorated in such a way, but this image was of one of the few, simple, happy times he had.

He did not recall the specific moment in which it was taken, but he did remember when this nice woman would occasionally give Han a cookie to go with the credits she'd use to buy whatever he was selling that day. It was one of the rare instances from the early years of his life in which an adult had done anything nice for him.

"What is it, Han?" he heard his wife ask from behind him and he simply held his hand out for Leia to see. Seeing the image and the look on Han's face, she knew exactly what she was looking at. Smiling at him, she responded, "I knew you had to have been adorable."

He laughed and heard Jaina excitedly by his side. "Lemme see. What is it?"

Leia bent down so all of her children could get a closer look. "This is your daddy when he was a little boy."

"He looks like Jacen," Anakin said.

"No way," Jacen interjected. "I have a much better haircut."

"All right, all right," Han said, taking the holocube back and holding it out to the woman.

She shook her head. "I have no need for it anymore, young man. You keep it."

Han said sincerely, "Thank you. I appreciate it."

She nodded and said, "You're welcome. Your mother would be proud of you," she said as she looked at the rest of his family.

Han felt his heart beat a little faster, wondering if this woman knew more than he thought she did. "Did you know my mother?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. I just know that any mother would be proud of you."

Han felt his throat tighten again and felt Leia's hand encircle his and give it a gentle squeeze. While this meeting did not answer all of the questions Han had about his past, it had at least given him some insight as to where the necklace had come from and left him wondering uncharacteristically if some divine intervention had placed Jacen alone in that corridor to meet this woman and set off the unearthing of Han's lost memories.

As though a switch was thrown, Han saw the old woman's eyes become more vacant again, and acting like there was nobody else in the room, she turned and looked at her daughter. "I'm tired. Is it time to go to bed yet?"

The woman shook her head slowly, visibly frustrated. "We have guests, Mother."

The old woman looked back at Han and his family. "Oh, guests. How lovely. Who might you all be?"

Han had heard about when older people's memories started to go but he had not witnessed it firsthand. He hoped not to suffer that ailment in his old age. Villie walked towards Han. "It's all right, Mother. They were just leaving."

Han felt a twinge of sadness that this poor woman was going through such a thing. But all he could do was say a simple, "Thank you again," before walking out the door as she smiled at them.


	9. Chapter 9

Her husband always seemed to be a content man, but ever since they'd left that pawn shop a few hours earlier Leia couldn't help but notice that there had consistently been a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of Han's lips. He'd held her hand as they rode back to the resort, seemed especially happy and affectionate towards Jacen, Jaina and Anakin when they stopped to have lunch and again once they had made it back to the suite.

Han had always been a wonderful father and husband, but at the moment it was apparent that their encounter earlier that afternoon had reminded him yet again of a parentless childhood and gave him even more of a desire to give their children what he never had and provide them with a lifetime of happy memories. She liked to think that both of them had done just that and would continue to do so. And that smile that had been on Han's face all day had become contagious.

They had another dinner in as a family after Han told them he didn't want anyone to get too tired before what he had planned for tomorrow – whatever it was. He promised to tell them as soon as the kids were all in their pajamas with their teeth brushed and ready for bed. This particular task had historically gone much quicker when there was bribery involved.

Staying true to tradition, it didn't take long after they had disappeared before three little brown-haired heads came bounding out of their bedroom to sit on the couch in the lounge with their bare feet dangling and not quite reaching the ground. Leia had to admit to herself she was probably just as curious as they were what Han had planned for the day. His birthday, in fact, as they had only so recently discovered.

"What are we doing tomorrow, Daddy?" Anakin asked impatiently, his siblings appearing just as curious.

"Have you guys been having fun on our trip?"

Three little heads nodded enthusiastically. "Are we going back to the beach?" Jacen asked.

"Not tomorrow, buddy, but we'll have time to go again before it's time to go home. How'd you guys like to go on a boat?"

The children looked at each other excitedly and Leia smiled at them. "I never been on a boat before. Have you, Daddy?" Jaina asked.

He shook his head. "I've been on all kinds of starships all over the galaxy but I've never been on a boat before and I thought you guys might want to come with me."

"Mommy, have you been on a boat?" Jaina asked.

Leia nodded. "I went on a few boat rides over the years, some with my own parents when I was little. And some when I was a bit older. It's a lot of fun. And do you guys know what else tomorrow is?"

They looked almost as though their heads might explode at the thought of even more fun surprises.

"Tomorrow is Daddy's birthday."

They all smiled and looked at Han, who grinned back at them before Jaina's face scrunched up in thought. "Wait a minute. Me and Jacen had a birthday before Daddy's last birthday when we had that really good chocolate cake. But our birthday isn't for a while."

"You're right, honey," Han said. "You know that necklace Jacen found?" They all nodded. "Well, it used to be my mother's, and it's got my birthday on it, which is tomorrow, and not that other day we always celebrated. So from now on, tomorrow is my birthday."

"How come you didn't know when your real birthday was?" Jacen asked.

"Nobody told me and I didn't remember, so I just picked a day."

"Did you get birthday cakes and presents?"

Han had been standing and then went to sit on the couch next to the kids. He shook his head. "No, not for a long time. Not really until I met Mommy and Uncle Luke and they made me tell them when my birthday was, and I just guessed."

Anakin crawled up into his father's lap. "Can we give you cake and presents tomorrow?"

Han laughed and kissed his son's forehead. "You bet, buddy. When we come back from our boat ride. Tomorrow's a big day, so why don't you guys run in there and get in bed and I'll be in to tuck you in."

The three young Solos ran off into their bedroom and Leia came and sat down next to Han on the couch. "A boat ride, huh? What made you think of that?"

Han shrugged. "I'd never been on one, and since we've been spending some time on the ocean it seems like a nice way to spend an afternoon. They _are _nice, right?"

Leia nodded. "Definitely. We went out on boats a couple of times during vacations when I was younger and I always enjoyed it. But whatever you want to do on your birthday is fine with me, as long as I get to spend it with you."

A smirk crossed Han's lips before he answered her. "I think that's a deal I can hold up my end of, sweetheart," and he leaned in and kissed her gently. "Why don't you go get in that big tub while I tuck the kids in and I'll be in in a few minutes."

Her eyes widened. "Oooh, that sounds nice. But what about you?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

He leaned down to nibble at the soft skin on her neck. "Maybe I'll just hop in and join you."

She felt a shiver run down her spine at the feel of his lips and warm breath against her skin. "Don't take too long," she said before reluctantly standing and heading for their bedroom.

Han smiled and headed off to the children's room to find all three of them already snuggled into their beds. He kissed each of them goodnight, ending on Jaina but noticing a concerned look on her face that made him pause. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Daddy, did you really not have a Mommy and Daddy?"

Han sighed and sat down on his daughter's bed before brushing the hair off her forehead. "I did have a Mommy and Daddy for a little while, but sometimes things can happen."

"Do a lot of kids not have them?"

Han felt his heart aching at the thought of his daughter already concerning herself about such things. She certainly had her mother's tendency to consistently think of the needs of others.

His hand was still absently smoothing the hair on her head in a soothing manner. "Some kids don't, sweetie. It's not fair, but it's just the way it is."

She didn't look particularly satisfied with the answer and even though Han had learned a lot of hard truths at far too young an age he knew how difficult it could be for a child to learn about some of the less pleasant aspects of life. "Well," she said, "I'm glad that we have you and Mommy."

Han had to check himself before he let his daughter see tears in her eyes, so he reached down and pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm glad we have you guys, too, sweetie."

He kissed her cheek and held her tight, her own little arms squeezing around his neck. After a few moments she spoke again, her voice a bit muffled as she was pressed into his shoulder. "Daddy? Can I go to sleep now?"

Not having realized how long he held her, Han laughed and released his daughter, lowering her back to the bed and pulling the blankets up tightly under her chin. "I think I can let you do that," he said, glancing at his sons to see that they were already asleep. He leaned down and kissed Jaina one more time. "Goodnight. I love you."

She grinned at him. "I love you, too, Daddy."

Shutting the door, Han headed back to his own bedroom, taking a moment once again to wonder how he'd gotten so lucky. That thought continued to linger when he went into the 'fresher to find his wife relaxing in the large tub. "Room for one more in there?" he asked, already pulling his boots off.

"Why don't you try it and find out?"

After removing his clothes at impressive speed, Han stepped into the warm water, sitting behind Leia and pulling her back to press against his chest as she settled into his arms. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to go home after this trip," Han said.

"Oh, sure you will. You'd just get sick of having me around _all _the time," Leia replied.

Han rested his chin on her shoulder and pulled her closer. "Not likely."

"How are you doing after today?" Leia asked, and Han knew she was referring to meeting the old woman that morning.

"I'm good," he said truthfully. "I gotta admit, I don't have a whole lot of good memories of growing up, but I do remember how nice that woman was to me. And it's a little strange to see a picture of me when I was so young. It's amazing how much Jacen looks like me. I'd forgotten."

Leia reached her hand up to stroke her husband's cheek. "I love being able to see so much of you in the kids."

"Why, so you don't have to wonder if they're mine or that other guy's?"

Leia playfully slapped his cheek. After brief laughter and a few moments of silence, Leia spoke up again. "Do you think you want to try and find out who your parents were, Han? What happened to them?"

He took a deep breath, having been wondering the same thing. "I don't know if it's something that would ever make me feel any better about what happened. And I don't need anyone new to be angry with. I kinda like the things I remember about my mom just as they are."

She turned in his arms then, resting her legs outside of his and placing her warm hands on his shoulders. "I can certainly understand that. Finding out who my real parents were wasn't exactly the greatest news I'd ever heard."

He brought his hands out of the water and started gently stroking her back. "It also didn't change who you were," he said.

Her fingers had started playing with his ears and he was rapidly losing interest in sharing this bath with his wife simply for bathing. He almost didn't hear her when she replied. "And who's that?"

"The kindest," he leaned in and kissed her shoulder before continuing, "most intelligent," another kiss on the opposite shoulder. "Most amazing," he moved his lips to the side of her neck, "strongest," his lips moved across her neck, "and most beautiful woman I've ever known."

His lips worked against her warm skin and he felt her hands running through his hair. "You know, your birthday isn't until tomorrow," she said in a teasing manner, and he could hear her breath coming faster as her body started moving against his.

He pulled her face to his and kissed her deeply, and she returned it just as hungrily before he broke away. "Then we'll just have to take it slow so we don't wear ourselves out."

She grabbed his face and kissed him again, and neither one of them remembered anything about taking it slow.


	10. Chapter 10

Han awoke when he noticed the light peering through his eyelids, feeling as though it had been a while since he had slept so soundly. Then he remembered why when he realized he was lying on his side with his arms wrapped tightly around Leia while he thought fondly of the night before. He took her hand and played with her fingers absently until he felt her stir and he moved in to kiss the spot right behind her ear. "Good morning, sweetheart," he whispered.

"Mmm… good morning, Han." She lay still for a moment and then turned in his arms just enough to look up at him with a smile on her face and a gleam in her eye. "And happy birthday." Placing her hand on his cheek, she pulled him into a kiss.

"Thanks. Doesn't seem fair to get another one without having to wait a year but I don't mind being a little younger."

"I guess it makes you a little less of an old man," Leia teased.

Han propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at her mischievous face. "I'll show you who's an old man," he said before rolling on top of her.

He had barely even begun proving his point before he heard a young voice calling from the next room. "Mom?"

Han groaned in frustration and reluctantly rolled onto his back. "I guess it'll have to wait, Han. But let's just be glad that they prefer yelling for us to actually coming in to get us."

Leia rose from the bed and tied a robe around her waist. "Hey," Han said, "we need to get ouf of here in about an hour to make that boat, all right?"

"Not a problem. I'll get them ready, you just go shower."

* * *

><p>Right on schedule, the Solos made it to the marina to catch their boat ride. Han had booked a scenic ride on a moderate sized party cruiser boat that usually went out with about twenty-five passengers and included some food, drinks and even the option to do some fishing, which Han thought the kids might like. For him, he just liked the idea of cruising along the ocean. One thing you never got with space travel was the chance to feel the wind on your face.<p>

They arrived at the harbor and embarked on the boxy-looking white boat that Han decided was a bit bigger than the _Falcon, _with a covered area in the middle and a wooden deck that went all the way around. The captain steered from another compartment at the highest point of the ship. It was explained that the cruise would take them north, to where the colder waters were prominent since that was where they might find some of the larger fish even if it would be much too cold for swimming. But while the sky was clear and the sun was shining brightly, the air was pleasantly mild.

The children seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the excursion and Leia also had a smile on her face. Han, on the other hand, didn't enjoy it for very long as the rise and fall of the ocean swells started to do a number on his stomach.

The first mate had taken his kids and a few from other families up to the front of the boat to explain some of the sea life to them while Han had stayed back, leaning against the railing and wondering if his face was turning green. Leia, unaffected, came over to check on him after having gotten herself a drink. "Are you going to be all right?"

"I think so. I mean, it'll pass, right?"

"The man flies through asteroid fields and can make his ship go in any direction at incredible speeds without blinking and yet he gets seasick."

"Trust me, I'm as disappointed as you are."

"Well, I'm going to go check on the kids and then I'll see if maybe they have something onboard we can give you to make the nausea go away, all right?" Her hand was rubbing his back soothingly, but it wasn't helping much.

"Thanks, honey," he said before she walked away. Being a generally healthy person, his stomach didn't often feel like this. In fact, it hadn't felt like this since the last time he drank too much, which at this point was at least a couple of years ago.

Most of the other passengers had moved to the inside where the food was. The thought of any of that food only made him feel sicker as he felt intense jealousy of how the other passengers on the vessel were having no troubles with the boat's gentle rising and falling on the water. And rising and falling and rising and…

He ran to the railing on the side of the boat, leaned over and promptly lost his breakfast, and likely some of dinner and lunch the day before. Thinking for a moment that he was finally feeling better, he suddenly saw something fall towards the water and, horrified, realized that it was his mother's necklace falling out of his pocket.

Without thinking, he immediately dove in after it, hitting the water hard and holding off the incredible urge to gasp at the shock of the cold water. This was certainly not like the beach the other day. Ignoring the cold and any part of his mind that told him what he was doing probably wasn't the smartest choice, he swam downward as he searched for the only connection to his lost mother he had.

His eyes caught on the gold reflecting the sun as the necklace slowly sank towards the depths of the ocean, and he kicked frantically as he swam further and further down. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was alarmed at the desperation he felt of losing an inanimate object. But it had sparked the first memory of his mother he'd had since he was a young child, and he feared if it was lost again he'd never get her back, either.

Fortunately, it appeared that fully clothed grown men sank quicker than small pieces of jewelry and relief washed over him as he grasped it tightly in his fist. Not wanting to worry about dropping it, he quickly got it around his neck and then turned to head towards the surface.

He had gone deeper than he'd thought and the cold was starting to take over as he felt his limbs stiffen. His lungs were desperate for air as he started to swim back to the surface.

* * *

><p>Leia had gone and found the children having a wonderful time fishing. She couldn't understand why really, as so far there hadn't been any fish involved. She had also procured a couple of anti-seasickness pills and a fizzy drink to help soothe Han's volatile stomach. Hopefully he would not have to spend his birthday throwing up.<p>

As she walked back toward the aft deck where she had left her husband, she was confused when she did not see him. Maybe he had run to the bathroom? But she would've come across him.

"Han?"

* * *

><p>Just a little bit further and he'd be there. He could see the boat still drifting above him, wondering what kind of idiot they'd think him for jumping off the boat in his clothes to rescue a necklace that was hardly worth anything as far as credits went. But its sentimental value was priceless. He couldn't decide if that was more embarrassing or maybe pretending that he'd fallen when he leaned over to vomit.<p>

He felt a desperate urge to inhale as he moved upward, reflexive spasms of his throat telling him that his lungs needed air that he couldn't give them yet. The cold of the water started to penetrate him down to his core, stinging his skin as he felt as though he might hyperventilate, fighting to keep from taking a deep breath.

His depth perception must've been off, because the surface of the water was much further away than he'd initially thought. He could see the sun shining down through the water, the boat seeming to get further instead of closer, sort of like the end of a rainbow you couldn't quite get to.

He kept moving higher and higher, but as his arms reached to break the still-too-far surface, and his reflex to breathe became too great. His mouth opened, and he inhaled…

* * *

><p>"Have you seen my husband?" Leia asked a few of the other passengers who shook their heads. "Han?" She ran around the entire deck and something told her she needed to look in the water. As she peered over the railing near where she'd left him, she saw a dark figure not far below the surface. "Han!" she screamed. "Help, my husband is drowning!" she yelled before diving down after him. The cold of the water made her chest constrict as she fought the urge to breathe. Han was only about two meters below the surface, and she dove down and extended her hand to him, expecting him to reach up, but he wasn't moving, just sort of drifting. She slipped an arm under his and pulled his limp body to the surface as quickly as she could.<p>

Once her face was out of the water she gasped for breath, pulling Han's head up so his face was out of the water, waiting to see him open his mouth for air. Another crewman on the ship had jumped in after them, holding up a floatation device that they used to pull his lifeless body out of the icy water.

They had him on the deck and Leia leaned down to feel for his breath, finding there was none. She checked for his pulse, but felt nothing.


	11. Chapter 11

The lights were too bright. That was his first thought. Then he wondered if he had fallen asleep or something and his eyes needed to adjust to the sunlight. As things started to come into focus, instead of sunlight he saw a faint white mist appearing and he wondered where he was and how he had gotten there.

"Han?" He heard his name being spoken by a woman. Except it wasn't the woman who he most often heard say it. At the same time, it was also quite familiar.

He saw her hair first, reflecting the light that seemed to come out of nowhere and without casting shadows. Then it was her hazel eyes and her loving smile aimed at him.

He couldn't believe it. "Mom?" He suddenly felt like a small boy once again, a boy who only needed his mommy.

She nodded slowly. "Yes, sweetheart. It's me. Baby, I'm so sorry I left you."

He shook his head at her, still not sure if this was really happening but choosing to take the opportunity to say what he wanted to say to her. "No, it's my fault. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I tried-"

He couldn't finish the sentence and she reached out to him as though to rest her hand against his cheek where a few tears fell. It didn't feel like skin on skin, it simply felt like the comforting warmth of her presence. "It wasn't your fault. Don't you ever think it was your fault. There was nothing you could've done. I'm so sorry about the things you had to go through after I was gone."

"I know. It's all right. Things worked out pretty well in the end."

The end? Was this the end? Was this why he was here?

She smiled and nodded. "I know. She's a wonderful woman. I wish I could've been there to see you get married."

Han knew that if his mother had been there to raise him he probably never would've even met Leia. It was unfair that you couldn't have everything in life. "And your children are beautiful. They look like you. I'm so proud of you, Han. The family you have, all of the things you've done."

He never knew what it was like to experience the pride of his parents. It felt even better than he expected it to. "I missed you."

"I know you did, sweetheart. I missed you, too. And you'll see me again someday, but not yet."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not time yet, Han. Your family still needs you. You need to go and be a good husband and take care of your wife, let her take care of you, and be a good father and raise my grandchildren. Tell them I'm proud of them, too."

Han nodded, wishing that he could spend just a few more minutes with her. "You remember how I told you I'd always be with you?"

Ever since the memories had come back to him so unexpectedly the other day he couldn't get every word of her last moments out of his mind. He nodded.

"I meant it. And I'll still always be with you, a part of your strong, caring heart. I'm so glad that you're my son and even though I couldn't take care of you I'm always going to be watching over you. But you need to go back now, before it's too late. They need you."

Han looked back over his shoulder and thought he heard faint words of distress. Turning to his mother he took a good, long look at the woman who had been such an important part of his life for too short of a time. Somehow he felt like even though he had been so alone growing up, there was always a faint voice in his head telling him that it would all be all right.

There was really nothing left to say, except, "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Han. Now go. I promise you'll see me again someday."

He wished he could hug her, instead simply trying to etch her face into his memory forever. He turned his head back over his shoulder and without warning felt as though he was suddenly gasping for air.

* * *

><p>Leia worked with one of the crewmen frantically to get Han to come back. She breathed long and hard into his mouth, attempting to get air into his lungs while the man pumped Han's now-exposed chest. His body felt icy cold, and Leia's heart was beating fast enough for the both of them at the moment as she looked at Han's purple lips and wanted to scream for him but knew she needed to keep calm. "Han, please, gods, wake up."<p>

She slapped his face a few times and then leaned down to give him another breath, and she suddenly felt water spurting back at her as he coughed and sputtered and she leaned back and felt her heart rise to her throat when she saw him turn his head to get the rest of the water out. She grabbed his upper body and pulled him to her chest. "Han!"

His hands came up to rest against her back as he returned the hug with what little strength he could muster. "Thank the gods. I thought I lost you." He simply continued to enjoy the feeling of being able to take long, deep breaths again.

Leia pulled away and held his face in her hands as she spoke. "What happened? Did you slip or something?"

With trembling fingers he reached down and held up the important item hanging off his neck. "I dropped it. I tried to go get it and I went down too deep, and-"

She pulled him in to hug him again, wondering why he had risked his life for a necklace but thinking if she had nearly lost something of sentimental value of her father's she might have done the same thing.

The adrenaline was wearing off and the effects of the cold water had finally gotten to them as they started shivering in each other's arms. She whispered in his ear through chattered teeth, "Don't you ever do that to me again."

He just nodded and then heard his daughter's voice. "Mom, Dad? What happened? Did you guys go swimming?"

"You told us there was no swimming on the boat ride, and how come you're in your regular clothes instead of your bathing suits?" Jacen added.

Han and Leia still held each other tightly as they laughed at their children's complete unawareness of what had just happened. They were incredibly relieved that their kids were busy fishing and had not had to witness their father's near drowning.

"Sir," the crewman, having returned with two large, wool blankets that were thrown over each of their shoulders, said, "we're going to bring the boat back to the marina and get you checked out."

Han nodded, normally adamantly against medical attention but not caring about much else at the moment as he pulled the blanket tightly around him. On top of those four other people he loved who were right there with him on the boat, it turned out he had a mother who loved him and was proud of him. As he pulled his kids down into a hug - which they protested because their parents were soaked - he knew he was going to continue to make her proud.

Their little bodies were much warmer than Leia's had been, and he reached over and took her arm to pull her closer. He thought about telling her what he'd seen. The mother-in-law she never got to meet and what she thought of her grandchildren. He wondered maybe if she had ever gotten a chance to talk to Bail in the same way. While he didn't want her to have to come close to death in order to do so, he wished there was some way she could experience a similar encounter. Maybe someday he'd want to tell her what his mother had said.

For now, all he wanted to do was hold his family.


	12. Chapter 12

The boat ride back had been very quiet once Han and Leia were moved inside to sit wrapped in their blankets, trading off holding one or two of their children in their laps – not just for comfort, but because it helped them warm up faster. While the outing had been shorter than expected, the kids were still tired from their day on the ocean and had been sufficiently shielded from the severity of what had transpired earlier. As long as it all had turned out fine, there was no need to frighten them.

After a very brief check in with a doctor who saw no lasting effects on Han, the family went back to the resort to relax. Han was amazed at the wave of exhaustion that came over him once he had gotten cleaned up and into some dry clothes and almost immediately collapsed onto the bed.

He'd barely had his eyes closed for five seconds before he felt the familiar weight of someone climbing into bed and poking him in the chest. "No sleeping, Daddy, we want to go swimming!"

Han peeked to see the blue eyes of his youngest son looking down at him with an adorable smile on his face. "You wanna go swimming, huh?"

Anakin nodded enthusiastically and grabbed his father's hand to try and tug him off the bed. "Come on, let's go!"

After putting up a minimal fight, Han grabbed Anakin by his sides and threw him to the bed before beginning a relentless tickling assault. "You're gonna get it now!"

Shouting words of protest and giggling uncontrollably, the youngest Solo curled up and futilely tried to protect himself.

Having heard the screeching of their younger brother, the twins came running into the room and promptly jumped up onto the bed to join in on the fray.

"Hey, what's going on here?" The loud, authoritative voice of Leia came from the doorway. Hands on hips, she looked every bit the part of the disciplinarian mother, but Han sensed no real anger in her tone. "You three leave Daddy alone."

"We want him to come swimming!" Anakin shouted.

Leia moved to sit on the bed and smoothed the hair on her youngest son's head. "Daddy needs to get some rest, but I'll take you swimming. Does that sound okay?"

He looked disappointingly at his father who replied, "Sorry, buddy. I promise though that tomorrow we can go to the beach and I'll swim with you all day, okay?"

"All right," he replied.

"Why don't you three go get ready and I'll be out in a minute to take you to the pool," Leia said.

Jaina and Jacen immediately ran out of the room, but Anakin looked at his father and then leaned in to give him a quick hug. When he pulled away, Han looked at him and smiled. "Go get changed and I'll be here when you get back, okay?"

"All right," he replied, moving to get off the bed.

"Hey, Anakin," Han said, and the boy stopped in the doorway and turned to look at his father. "I love you, buddy."

He smiled back and said nonchalantly, "Yeah, I know," before running out of the room, leaving his parents laughing.

Han lay back against the pillows and Leia leaned in against him and rested her head against his chest. "You sure you don't mind if I take them?"

"Sure, I'm gonna be asleep in about ninety seconds anyway. I know they must be disappointed they didn't get to spend that long on the boat."

"They're fine. They told me they'd rather go swimming anyway. Are you sure you'll be all right?"

"I'm sure."

She squeezed her arms around him. "I don't know if I want to leave you."

"I promise I'm not goin' anywhere," he said before he kissed her forehead.

"Mom!" a young voice yelled from the living area.

Leia sat up and looked down at Han. "Duty calls. Rest up, birthday boy. We'll be back soon." She leaned down and kissed him quickly before leaving.

Han had no idea what time it was when he awakened, rolling over to see the sun almost setting. His body had apparently decided that it needed three hours worth of sleep. Hearing faint murmurs out in the lounge area, he slowly stood himself up and walked out.

As the door opened, he saw three excited young faces sitting on the floor, stunned to see him and quickly pulling together to yell, "Happy birthday, Daddy!"

It wasn't as though his family had never made a big deal over his birthday before, but this time, after what had happened earlier that day and finally celebrating his true date of birth, it felt more special.

Leia had been seated on the couch behind them and stood up to give him a quick kiss. "Happy birthday."

Han scanned the table in the middle of the room to find a large cake and a few wrapped presents. "How'd you guys pull this off? You've only known about this for a couple of days and we've been so busy."

Leia smirked at him. "I have my ways. You know me, I am quite resourceful."

"Among other things," Han teased as Leia pulled him to sit down on the couch next to her and he was accosted by his kids who scrambled up to give him hugs and kisses.

The kids all fought to be the first one to give Han his presents, and each included a hand-made card which was his favorite part. After presents and dinner and cake and it didn't take very long before everyone in the room under age ten was ready for bed.

The entire vacation on Corellia had meant far more to Han than he ever expected it to, and he was grateful that he got to share it with his family. And for the fact that he had a family to share it with. He had no idea what he had done to deserve these people who were smiling back at him and showing him how much they loved him, he only knew he wouldn't ever waste an opportunity to show how much he loved them.

"Daddy, will you tell us a story?" Jaina asked once she was nestled into her bed.

"Yeah!" the two boys chimed in.

If his kids had asked him to give up the _Falcon _right then he probably would've said yes, so it was very easy for him to take on this challenge. "All right. Come here."

He leaned back against the wall on Jaina's bed and Jacen and Anakin came and settled in beside him as Han pulled them all in close. Not wanting to be left out, Leia sat down and snuggled in next to them.

Han thought for a moment what his mother might think if she saw him now, enjoying this time with her grandchildren. He suspected it was times like these where she smiled down at him, and he was grateful for it. "What story do you want to hear? The one about the pirate and the farmboy who saved the princess? Or the princess who saved the scoundrel from his carbonite prison?"

They all shook their heads. "How about the time your old dad flew the _Falcon _through the asteroid field to get away from the evil Empire in order to save your mom?"

"We heard all those before, Dad," Jacen objected. "We want to hear a new one."

Han sat back and thought for a minute. He had always enjoyed relaying old stories from his younger days to his children. He loved the looks of awe and wonder they gave him, wondering how he could've done such things and how their parents had actually had a life before them. To most people he was _the_ Han Solo, but to those three, for the most part he was just plain Dad. And he didn't mind at all.

Han smiled when a thought popped into his head. "Would you guys like to hear about your grandmother?"

Their eyes widened and they nodded. Han pulled them all even closer and began relaying all of the nice little memories he had of his mother. When she'd smile at him or kiss the end of his nose, holding his hand while walking down the beach and swimming with him just as they had all done a few days before. "She was a great lady," he finished up with. "And I know that she watches out for us and wherever she is, she loves all of us very much and she's very proud of you."

They all smiled at him as he pulled them into a big hug. Once he let go, he said, "All right, now I think it's finally time for you guys to get in bed."

Without a word, the children all got into their beds and under the covers, and Han and Leia took turns kissing them goodnight. Once they exited the room, Han took Leia's hand and led her back to their bedroom where he immediately sat on the bed and pulled her down to sit next to him. "I'm sorry about today. I shouldn't've-"

She placed a finger on his lips to silence him. "It's all right. It's over. But if you _ever _do that to me again…"

He shook his head. "Don't worry. I promise I never, ever want to go on another boat ride. I think I'll stick to space travel."

"That sounds like a good idea," she said.

He reached up and brushed his thumb along her cheek. "And thanks for saving me again."

She merely smiled and leaned in to kiss him gently. "Happy birthday, Han," she said before moving in to kiss him again, this time much more passionately as she lowered him back to the bed.

Much, much later, Han held Leia snuggled up against his side contentedly while his fingers trailed absently up and down her arm. He thought back to earlier in the day and couldn't believe what had almost happened. He didn't want to contemplate leaving his family, missing out on the rest of their lives or leaving them alone. He and Leia had both suffered so much loss and hadn't had the luxury of growing up with both parents and siblings. He would stop at nothing to make sure that Jacen, Jaina and Anakin would never have to go through that.

Without warning, he had a flash of the terrible memory of the last time he saw his mother. He felt himself once again trying to save her but not being able to. Leia seemed to sense his tension and asked him, "Is something wrong?"

After all of the wonderful things she'd done for him that day, he didn't want to give her any reason to think she had any role in the pain he was currently feeling. "It's just… just something I'm remembering. It's all right."

She leaned up on an elbow and looked down at him, her hair framing her beautiful face in a way that made his breath catch in his throat. "Are you sure? You can tell me."

He took a deep breath as her fingers started playing with the hairs on his chest. His defenses always came down at times like this, and she knew that. It made him remember prying out of her what she had gone through when her home planet was destroyed. It's not that he wanted her to relive it, he just felt like it wasn't good for someone to bottle up that sort of pain and never talk about it. He knew he'd want her to tell him if something like this was on her mind, and looking into her beautiful brown eyes now, he'd tell her anything she wanted to hear.

"All right," he began slowly. "I was thinking about the last time I saw my mother."

She listened intently and patiently as he recalled the horrible images from that night. He could see the tears forming in her eyes and fought to keep the same thing from happening to him as he struggled to get the words out. "I wish I could've saved her," he finally said as he finished telling the whole story, barely speaking above a whisper.

She opened her mouth as if about to say something, but then he cut her off and said, "But I think if I did, I never woulda' met you." The tears in her eyes spilled over as she smiled at him then and moved in to kiss his lips softly.

She wiped at her eyes once she pulled away and said, "You know there was nothing you could've done. If you'd tried any harder, you probably wouldn't be here right now."

That was something he hadn't thought of. "And," she added, "you wouldn't have been there to save me."

His arms slipped up the bare skin of her back and he pulled her into a tight embrace. "The universe is funny like that sometimes, huh?" he said and simply felt her head nod against him.

He didn't want to know where he'd be now in his life if he had never met Leia or they didn't have those three, amazing kids sleeping soundly in the other room. Even scarier was wondering what the galaxy would've been like if Leia had died aboard that Death Star. It was entirely probable that Palpatine would still be ruling.

Those realizations let him enjoy what few memories of his mother he had. Of course he wished there could be more of them, but one couldn't have everything. "I love you," Han said into her ear.

She leaned back to look at him, smile and say, "I love you," before leaning down to kiss him deeply.

At that moment, with his wife in his arms, Han felt as though he truly had _everything. _

* * *

><p><em><strong>THE END<br>**_

_**Thanks to those of you who have read and reviewed. I hope you enjoyed it!**_


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